


Tired

by orphan_account



Series: Newsies fics. (Angst, Fluff and maybe smut huhu) [1]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, I'm sorry ElmeR-, Oversized Clothing, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Skipping Meals, Suicide, This is Elmer centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, too late
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26069035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Elmer Was Tired
Relationships: Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Series: Newsies fics. (Angst, Fluff and maybe smut huhu) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896868
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	Tired

**Author's Note:**

> People May Be Sensitive To This Content.
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Suicide  
> Eating Disorder  
> Self-harm  
>   
> please do not read if you're sensitive about this!

Tired

Thirteen old Elmer were walking through the halls and wondering how the hell he got here. His white cast was itching, he recently broke his arm. He was tired and starving. As he walked by he saw Davey and Jack kissing at the lockers, those teenagers couldn't keep their hand off each other. He waved and smiled but as soon he walked past them he just lost the smile. Come on he was supposed to be the all time happy and hopeful but now he just felt empty.  
He could write poetry that drive the readers to suicide. He could scream his agony out and would break everyone's eardrums. He could jump off the fucking Brooklyn bridge. And seemingly no one not a soul walking on this earth would care. His parents were disappointed, he never wanted to go to church and was never religious. Only thing religious he wore was a crucifix, a necklace.

His siblings seemed to pick on him more than usual, him being the youngest, and sometimes they went too far. One time they had sprained his ankle and had to call Albert for help. He said he had fallen out of a tree. Everything was like a blur. He didn't think anyone noticed but everyone knew something was wrong. His cheeks were hollow and eyes sunken in. It was late summer and hot but he insisted on having a hoodie on, it wasn't too uncommon he slept outside. The fucking house was so packed that he couldn't fit. He just needed space and fresh air, not being packed like fish. Plus he was fine, sure his diet was a bit wonky but like he was thirteen.  
It's not that he had eating disorders, there were people with real problems.

After he walked past Davey and Jack shot unnoticed concerned looks. Everyone knew Elmer's house was packed but no one knew he felt like this, they only saw a piece of the puzzle. Spot and Race walked down the hallway and greeted Elmer, they didn't seem to notice but when they walked toward Davey and Jack the concern shined through.  
"What the _fuck _is wrong with Elmer?" Spot asked as soon they reached the other pair. Before Jack could jump in Davey stopped him.  
"Probably family, you know how they are there." Anger was building up in Spots eyes, he was very protective of people his height and Elmer was like a brother to him.  
"Family doesn't explain a broken arm David." Spot spat back. __

____

____

"Maybe not but that's his business, it's not ours." Race took a hold of Spots hand to keep him still.  
"Don't touch me Higgins, I'm going to get Elmer and ask him what is wrong like a normal human being." Everyone rolled their eyes at the protectiveness. Spot searched the entire school for Elmer, the cafeteria, all the classrooms, the janitors closet and even asked the teacher's. A thought popped up in Spots mind. The Rooftop. He raced up and looked around frantically. He saw the caramel boy sitting by the edge.  
"Don't!" Spot screamed as he ran towards Elmer. The boy looked around and just _smiled _, a sad and fake plastic smile.  
"Oh, hi Spot. Have you seen Albert? I haven't seen him." Elmer's voice sounded broken, broken by the responsibility to be a perfect son and faking a mental state.  
"No, please tell you weren't gonna do something I thought you would!" Spot gripped the thin shoulders of the boy. Every little freckle and dimple was noticeable. __

____

____

"No, no! Of course not!" Lielielie _lielie- _  
"Good, thought I was gonna lose you bro." Elmer's heart sank, couldn't he see!? He was spiraling down a spiral of hell. Elmer knew he would up commiting suicide when the pressure became too much. But right now he was fine.  
"So what you waiting for Albert for?" Elmer's eyes darkened but he only forced them up.  
"Oh, yeah Albert has something of mine. Gotta get it back or else my siblings will bash my skull open.." the last part he whispered, it was kinda true. He would get disappointing looks and his siblings- whatever.  
"What was that last part?" Elmer looked up. "Oh nothing." Spot thought for a moment.  
"So how's family life?" The world paused for a second. __

____

____

Family

Well Spot, it was actual hell. But of course he couldn't say that.  
"It's been fine just… Packed. And all this stuff with church but I'm fine." Elmer laughed a little at the end, he hated to tell lies.  
"Anytime you need anyone you can count on Brooklyn." Spot smiled and then the bell rang. Count on Brooklyn yeah. Because Brooklyn could take away all his problems. The first class was math, Elmer's favorite class. He was quite good at math. "Elmer?" It was Albert, the boy he hadn't seen in days. 

"Where have you've been for the past week Al?" Elmer said, trying not to freak the fuck out. Albert knew his secret, Albert was gonna tell the police. THE POLICE. He avoided the question and asked a question instead.  
"How's your arm?" The red head pointed at his arm. Elmer looked down, the clear white cast with no signatures. If there were any signatures his family would know he talked to people and then- they were afraid the truth would come out. "Oh it's fine though it was clumsy of me to run into that metal door." The metal part was true but he was just running away from his siblings.  
"Yeah.. Look Elmer," It's coming now, right in the hallway. "Here's your cross, you left it at my place." Albert smiled brighter than the sun. It was like light surrounding him. It lit up Elmer's world and wonder bubbled up in his eyes.  
"Hello Elmer??" Albert was frantically trying to get his attention.

"Oh yeah sorry z-zoned out " he was ready for the hit, slap or something.  
"Dude come on." 

What was wrong Elmer? 

At Lunch

Elmer was half asleep at the Brooklyn table. Spot and Race was walking toward the same table. He had gotten like four hours of sleep? Maybe. He was too frightened thinking what his siblings would do if he didn't get the cross back. He didn't know what it was but his siblings treated it like a holy sign from god. It was a metal cross. Like he gets if means the crucifix but they already have like eleven at home. And all of the children had a necklace with a cross.  
"Aren't you gonna get food El?" Spot asked suspiciously. That pile bones really needed a meal. Elmer dismissed him and pointed to a hydro flask filled with water, he had a big meal before. A lie about eating was easy because he made himself believe it. Half an apple was quite a me for Elmer.  
A few more people came to the table. Elmer drowned in conversations and slowly fell asleep. Spot and Race shared sad looks when they saw how easily Elmer fell asleep in the loud Cafeteria. 

Twenty-five Minutes Later

The two boys was immersed into a conversation waiting for bell ring. They were outside now. Elmer were sleeping, quite peacefully. The poor boy had woken up by a nightmare and eyes glossy.  
"Why did he wake up from a nightmare?" Race asked, he moved some hair behind Elmer's ear but quickly stopped as Elmer seemed to start to stir and he slowly fell back into a deeper sleep. Spot was concerned, his brother was not getting enough sleep. The wind blew through the threes hairs and the warmth made it delightful. Spot sighed.  
"I don't know, maybe home?" Race nodded. Elmer had mentioned that he had like eight siblings.  
"Probably. He has a big family right?" Spot nodded. Though he never had been home to home to Elmer he knew that he was always the underdog.  
"Yeah, the youngest of eight." The two sat in silence.  
"We gotta help him Seán." Race said, he looked at the poor exhausted boy beside him. "I know, I know Tony." 

Elmer woke up with a gasp. He was running, running away from something. All the sounds were rushing to him. The people that were playing soccer, the birds, people talking in the background and all of the other noises from the school. Two people were in front of him. Looking at him. It was like the entire world was staring at him. The caramel boy's hands felt uncomfortable and sweaty. Why was it like he was on Speed? Everything was like going on a fast roller coaster.  
"Hey Elmer breath." The sight finally cleared. Spot and Race, friends. What if they're pretending?  
"I-I- need a minute, b-be right back." A tear slowly fell down, a single alone pathetic tear. 

Elmer ran to the nearest male toilet, into one of the stalls and sat down. There was no one else in there, luck.  
"Okay okay Elmer calm down. It was only a dream. Think of you favorite colour like liquid." He said to himself, repeating what his past therapist said. He no longer had one; she had taken her own life after a few months with him. It was a mix of pastel colours. Pink, blue and green. All in a mixer and slowly mixing together, painting a beautiful sky with drops of yellow stars. After a few minutes his breathing got somewhat even. He sneaked out from the stall. The mirror showed a ugly being. The sick like caramel skin was almost ghost like. Before Elmer knew what was happening he was running to the stall again and throwing up. The only thing that came up was stomach-y water. 

The door opened.

"Elmer?"

Two voices asked, Davey and Jack. "Oh my god Elmer!" Jack shouted, running towards him.  
"It's not what it looks li-" but there was another wash of nausea and he dropped his head over the seat. The sound that came out was disgusting, slisky and sick. The waves came again and again til nothing was left. "I-I know this looks b-bad but it's not like that!" Elmer said, voice strained and oh so tired.  
"Elmer shut up, save your voice. We know you aren't bulimic but have you eaten something bad recently?" The mature fourteen years old asked, it was clearly a routine question, Elmer shook his head, trying to soothe out his hoodie. He hadn't eaten anything recently really.  
"Okay uh we should probably get you home." Elmer's stomach churned and turned to stone.  
"No no! I mean I-I'm fine really. It was just that I woke up from a nightmare and wasn't f-feeling well. It's fine really!" You could see through the lie like glass. Jack looked up at Davey for confirmation, he nodded and Jack started speaking.  
"Fine but are you sure you're okay?" Elmer nodded, he felt like going to sleep forever. The steps he made were slow, tired.  
He was hungry, he hadn't had a full on meal for weeks only eating small stuff. Apples, oranges, bananas that kind of stuff. The door seemed so god damn far away. It was like his body was shutting down. It seemed too hot humanly possible. He felt like he was floating. And heat. Heat. Heat. He couldn't breath. And then everything went white 

His head hit the dirty toilet floor. 

He woke up in the teacher's lounge with four people leaning over him, more people were talking.  
"Shh, he's fucking sleep- oh hi Elmer." Davey said, smiling but glossy eyes were present. Spot's eyes were red and there were tear tracks but he was smiling just as bright. Jack was sobbing his ass off, crying in the corner and talking to teacher's. Albert was concerned, he clearly didn't know what had happened. And Race.. Races face was in Spots neck and crying.  
"You stupid fuck. Do you know how much you scared us!" Spot cried out, more tears spilling out. "I-" Elmer's voice came out raspy and unused. It was like a person that hasn't talked in thirty years and then decided to talk normally again.  
"We tried to call your family but they weren't answering. I'm so sorry Elmer." Davey said, sobbing at the end. 

How couldn't they see how Elmer had an eating disorder?

His family wasn't gonna be there.  
Of course  
"I-I'm so tired. Sick of l-life." Elmer whispered, he was hungry so fucking hungry. A tear fell down his face. "I-I thought I hid it well. M-my siblings didn't n-notice." Everyone's heart cracked in half. Spot decided to speak.

"You can always count on Brooklyn." 

Spot sobbed out.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it such a mess. I-it was just skipping m-meals to get to s-school earlier but then m-ma made these comments and she i-is fucking right." Elmer's voice said, there was a big cry from the corner. Jack.  
"It's not your fault Jack." Elmer whispered. There were fast footsteps. Everyone walked so Jack could have privacy with Elmer. "Can I have a moment alone with Elmer, please?" Jack begged the teacher's. They nodded and Spot started to complain how he didn't get to have a alone moment but was quickly smacked by everyone. 

"I'm sorry Elmer, I'm so sorry I didn't notice earlier." Elmer smiled, that grin that could light up worlds for hundreds of years.  
"I'm okay, just way a few days and I'll be good as new." Jack smiled and shook his head.  
"You stubborn bastard. I can't believe how I didn't notice, I'm such a bad friend." 

Elmer smiled.

. 

__

"I learned from the best." Tears streamed down Elmer's eyes. How could he inflict this pain onto his friend. Burden, he was such a _fucking _burden. He inflicted all this pain onto his friends, he was the bad friend.__ "I-I want to go home Jack." Elmer's words were soft but filled with sadness.  
"I'm sorry Elmer, you gotta wait. You're family is out of town right now." The caramel boy's smile faded, eyes became watery again. His nose stinging and his lungs fighting for breath.  
His parents didn't want him. He was so useless. UselessUselessUsel _essUselessUselessUseless- ___

  
At Home (Self Harm and Suicide Please do not read if your Sensitive to major character death.)

He walked through the empty house. His parents would come in two days. Everyone came over and made sure he ate. The Caramel Boy didn't feel happy, loved hell even recognized. He knew his friends only did it to see how it broke his heart when they left him. One by one tearing shards and pieces of his heart. His fluffy bobbing slightly when he ran up the stairs. His breath shallow. He could carry his own body weight. Elmer's usual 'hug arms' as his friends called it were vanished. And wasn't coming back. He was running out of time. He finally got up to their room. Their room.  
  
The Brown worn out walls were almost yellow. He had been thrown to the wall a few times, sometimes pinned and slapped. there were bunk beds all around. He always had the top bunk near the window; it was easy for him to run if the fights got too bad. His drawer had a pencil sharpener, the little screw that held it was lose. His ankle had about fifteen scars each and his knee hollow (auto translation from swedish) had about seven. He took a grip of the pencil sharpener and quickly screwed the screw of and took his his shirt. His ribs were visible but the caramel boy could only see fat. The first cut hurt, really bad. It stung and blood quickly ozed. The second hurt less but stung like hell.  
"Shit." Elmer quietly said. His eyes widened slightly, he had never swore in his entire life before. The word had slightly lightened the pain.  
He was gonna die might as well make the most of it.  
"Fucking shit head. Never used it often, why is it so fuckin blunt then?" Elmer quickly said, before realising his siblings must've used it to sharpen pencils. Couldn't they ever leave his stuff alone? There were three cuts now. Blood dripping onto the floor, it looked like ketchup. The bubble boy made the insition number five. Then six. Then seven. And then he moved onto his other arm. And quickly made six cuts there. Elmer removed his baggy jeans. He used to wear them when he was twelve. His clothes he used a few months ago didn't fit him. They were too big. He made small cuts on his thin thighs. 1 2 3 4 5- more and more. Blood seeped out, onto the floor. Threw the boards and stored. Elmer threw up, he could never handle blood but the pain felt good. The greasy food of his breakfast came up. His vision became blurry, Elmer fell onto the ground. Blood was spat on the ground. Black quickly surrounded him.  
  
Elmer tried to stand up and somehow could do it. He quickly scribbled few words and just leaned back onto the now comfortable floor. He was tired oh so tired. The boy smiled, he was finally able to sleep. Elmer was tired. The caramel boy closed his eyes and let the comforting darkness consume him.  
  
  
The Caramel Boy Was Finally At Peace.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys hace any suggestions how I can improve then tell Mee.
> 
> Also if you guys have suggestions how I can do chapter two then please hit me up because I have no idea what am doing.(I'm not sorry you down a spiral of singing whatcha what happens)


End file.
